Go into the water as a slave but come out as a free child of the LIVING KING

Your struggle is BIG, bigger than I probably could ever imagine. And although my imagination could not comprehend it, my Spirit knows all about it... And right now I want to wash your feet with my tears - tears that are falling because of your hurt. And I want to testify to you - I've experienced the release of that struggle; and how the door to those floodgates were opened for me... 

Almost right at a year to this date, I was getting ready to go to our Sabbath meeting... had just gotten out of the shower and was drying my hair... I was so excited about this Sabbath because one of my dear friends/prayer partner was coming and we had been given permission to pray over some one that day... and His joy was bubbling up inside me...excitement was making my heart race... 

And then the adversary came... 

He said "what about this...?" He showed me the things I had been struggling with recently.
"I'm over that. I let it go. I claimed Yahweh's power in that matter and it has no hold on me!"
"Really? Sure looks like it's pretty weighty to me.."

And sure enough I felt that weight - it had been there all along, but I was trying to skip over it... "I've claimed Yahweh's forgiveness in that... I no longer blame anyone for that... I've no longer made any justification for that... I've looked it straight in the eye and told it to leave. It's gone. It's done."

And I started to focus again on the joy that was in me, and praise songs were coming to my mind... And then Yahweh brought the thought of being immersed or Mikvahed or baptized to my mind again... My good friend who was coming that day, had weeks earlier mentioned to me that she felt she needed to ask me if I had been immersed/Mikvahed... studying the Torah we learn all about how the women were to Mikvah every month and how whenever the people went into the temple they went through a Mikvah... Jesus gave testimony to it when he was "baptized" by John... I had been "baptized" when I was younger in a baptismal at church... but through our studies we had been learning that this immersion could be done as often as Yahweh led one to be... I had told her that I felt I should, had felt so for a long while, but just hadn't acted on it yet, but would definitely make a point to do it this summer, etc. 

So there I am getting ready, already showered, my hair is almost done... and Yahweh brings the Mikvah(a gathering of water... for me it's our pond) to my mind... I said, "surely you don't want me to do that now... this is just emotion from all the excitement, right?" Yahweh brought to my mind the instance I first felt that I should be Mikvahed or baptized in the muddy water and then said, "Nothing has changed from that time til now." 

Nope, guess not... so I set down the hair dryer, slipped on my swimming suit, and flip flops and headed for the pond... *And just in case you're thinking it was just whimsical emotion or guilt leading me there - let me assure you that there's 1,001 reasons about being immersed in a pond in the beginning of April in South Dakota after I had just showered and dried my hair that would've dried up any emotion or guilt I may have been feeling...* It's a little ways but not too far from the front door of the house to the pond, and all I heard while I was walking down there was that encouraging small voice saying "Just keep going, don't stop." And honestly I didn't want to stop... I felt the experience drawing me in - I probably would've ran there if my flip flops would've allowed. I got to the edge of the water and never broke stride... finally I was a little over waist deep in the cold, muddy water...
...up popped my flip flop... I was struggling to put it back on and Yahweh said, "This isn't a performance".
You're right. So I tossed my shoe onto the shore and bent my knees, plunging myself underwater... the dark, cold water was all around me... then I burst through the surface - flooded with sunlight and breath... As I made my way to the shore and up the path back to the house, the smile on my face that could not be wiped away, the feeling that I could fly if only I had wings, made me realize I had left something in the water that day... I had left that weight. It was gone. That joy I had been feeling, was no longer being filtered through that pain - it was pure, and abundant and saturating - NOW I was free! 

See Yahweh had forgiven me before the foundations of the earth were laid, but my flesh had been hanging on to the guilt and pain of that circumstance, and not letting that floodgate open... Maybe before I had cracked the door, to let a little seep in, but now the struggle was over!

Sometimes we can't forgive ourselves or other people or circumstances... we let ourselves get trapped in that bondage... the trappings come from justifying ones actions, from blaming someone else, from wallowing for a while on that hurt, letting it become our personna... pretty soon someone comes along and says "Just let it go!"
~Yeah, right - I'm in a prison cell without a key! 

Know this, never ever, ever forget this - Yahweh wants you to be free!! He is not weighing you down - NOTHING is separating you from the love of Yahweh. It is right there! Don't let it be filtered through un-forgiveness, or pride, or shame, or guilt, or anger, or animosity, or pain - RUN to that muddy water!! Leave that weight in the grave!! Be free!! Experience that joy that is not produced by circumstance - WHATEVER you are going through Yahweh will flood you with what you need to get through it! Peace, joy, love, forgiveness, compassion, strength... it's there for the taking! He never wants you to hurt in your spirit! He wants to give you unstoppable life without any limitations! He wants you to praise as David praised! Dance as David danced! He wants you to feel the compassion that Jesus felt! He wants you to feel the LOVE that Yahweh feels towards you!
If you are feeling as I did, where my guilt and pain had been dealt with, but it was still a weight - PLEASE, please run to the Mikvah and leave it there. I don't know why muddy water makes us clean, or why the blood makes us white as snow - but Yahweh does! This isn't a baptism of salvation, this is a surrender of the old to walk only in the new! If you are feeling Him drawing you to be immersed, remember this - it is not a performance, it's not a ceremony... Do as Moses and the Israelite's did - go into the water as a slave but come out as a free child of the LIVING KING!